where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize