Can Purell be used as lube?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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