He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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