All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
