I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
