it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
