Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
