i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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