Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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