What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
