My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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