Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
