I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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