??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
