I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
