what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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