Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
