I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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