doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize