I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
