I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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