This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
