i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
