woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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