mondays should just be called national damage control day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
