Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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