farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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