I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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