just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
