hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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