I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dick very happy bro
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
