that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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