yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize