How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
