it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
