drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
