oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
