This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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