you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
