I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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