don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
