How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
