it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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