she was so not down for the gang bang
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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