so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
even my farts smell like vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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