You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
