it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
God, I missed his penis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
