Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
