are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
