Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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