There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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