i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
