Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
