And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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