i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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