Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
