just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
