last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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