I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
