It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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