I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
