Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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